Wednesday, February 23

Don’t forget to support Model UN in Moldova! You can send your contribution via the internet – just click here! http://www.peacecorps.gov. Click on Donate Now, then follow the link for Eastern Europe. Scroll down to Moldova: Model United Nations. This link should take you straight there: Moldova Model United Nations.

I got a great package from my friend David. It was so much fun that each and every thing was individually wrapped so it was like opening 15 packages! As I opened it, I chuckled to myself that only a gay man would send such a decadent and eclectic package. I wanted to share this thought with my host mom, who was enjoying the opening as much as me, but stopped myself, realizing she wouldn’t understand the comment. I was also afraid she might react negatively.

Most Moldovans are completely in the dark about the homosexual community in their country. The few Moldovans with whom I’ve mentioned the topic have had strong negative reactions, usually referring to gays and lesbians as being abnormal and/or sick. One of our PCVs, an older gay man, works with an NGO in Chisinau that works with people living with HIV/AIDS. It’s the only organization of its kind in Moldova, and there is also only one organization working specifically with gays and lesbians. It’s a population totally in the closet, and subject to much harassment and even violence. As bad as things still are in the U.S. or gays and lesbians, at least Americans recognize the population exists! There is much denial that a gay population exists, and of course the gay population stays very underground due to discrimination and violence.

A gay PCV faces some challenges a straight PCV does not (big surprise!). S/he may not feel safe coming out to Moldovans for fear of rejection, isolation, violence. I know these are reactions gays and lesbians fear and face in the U.S. too, but here it’s amplified. The other struggle is with romantic relationships. There is a good bit of “hooking up” and/or dating between PCVs and sometimes between PCVs and Moldovans, too. A gay or lesbian PCV doesn’t have many choices for romance with another American, as there’s just not much of a pool to choose from, and it may be extremely difficult if not impossible to find a gay or lesbian Moldovan, especially outside of Chisinau.

Moldovans are much more physically affectionate than most Americans are, and it’s interesting to observe behaviors here that are completely “innocent” that would have very different connotations in the U.S. Men are comfortable kissing each other (on cheeks and mouth), and even walking arm-in-arm; women and girls hold hands, sit with arms around each other, and kiss each other. I’ve met one or two people who I was absolutely sure were gay, at least in my American interpretation they were giving all the right “signals.” But I have to remind myself here that those behaviors are not “signals” at ALL here. In fact, most people are so completely oblivious to some behavior being thought of as “stereotypically” homosexual, it doesn’t even occur to them that someone might perceive it that way. For example, there’s a man who sells newspapers and magazines at the bus station in Chisinau. He reminds me of Chris Kattan on Saturday Night Live, same height, face, everything. Even more specifically, he reminds me of a very flamboyant, overtly gay character that Kattan played (Mango or something like that). I mean, this newspaper guy just screams “I’M GAY”; at least, that’s what I hear and see. But it’s utterly impossible that a gay man would behave that way here. A gay PCV, on the other hand, mentioned one night that he can be totally and completely flamboyant here because absolutely no one will even recognize or consider the behavior as stereotypically gay.

Another example. Back in PST, when I was living in Ialoveni with Alyona, we were talking about one of the male PCVs (I’ll call him George). She asked me about him, being (like most Moldovans) interested in who the heck these crazy people are that actually LEFT the U.S. and came to Moldova, of all places. Anyway, I told her he was 51, from San Francisco, not married. Now, an American would already have made an assumption, right? She asked if he had ever been married, and I almost said “No, of course not, he’s gay,” but I caught the words just before they came out. I love Alyona dearly, and I do trust her with my personal story, but I didn’t feel I should entrust her with someone else’s personal information. We’d never talked about homosexuality before, and I just didn’t know how she would respond, and I didn’t want to risk a reaction that could bring harm or even bad vibes for George. Plus, I was kind of curious if she would “get it.” So, I just said No, he’d never been married. She said “Yes, I’ve known some men who just don’t want to get married, they like being single. Especially once they’ve lived so many years alone, they don’t want to change their ways.” It honestly just did not occur to her that he could be gay! (or any of those other “older bachelors” either!)

I had an experience that really made me examine my own stereotypes, one of those times when you really see the American in yourself and recognize that you are experiencing something from a complete different set of expectations and assumptions than the other person, i.e. a culture clash.

I stayed one night in Chisinau at a female acquaintance’s apartment, which she shares with her mother. I didn’t know either of them very well, but they are friends of my host family in Tvarditsa, and one time I needed a place to stay the night and they kindly put me up. She pulled out the couch she sleeps on into a double-bed for us to share (it’s a really small apartment, and like for most people in the city, sleeping space needs to be economized and shared). No problem for me, I’ve shared beds with female friends plenty of times and in this country, I’m usually so damn tired at night I can sleep anywhere and through anything. This woman, I’ll call her Nina, got into bed next to me and flipped over super close to me, inviting me to do a crossword puzzle with her. She was definitely within my “personal space boundary”, but I tried not to show my instinctual discomfort. After awhile, I started to fall asleep, and suddenly she offered to give me a backrub. Now I’m wide awake, trying to figure this out. Huge signals, I think, with bells and whistles. What the heck is going on? I finally decided that she meant absolutely nothing sexual about it; it was purely a kind gesture, a hospitable gesture, even, to her weary houseguest. It simply wouldn’t occur to her that I might interpret it as a sexual overture. On the other hand, if she is a lesbian, there’s absolutely no way she would have exposed herself to me so quickly or overtly.

I know we have a long way to go in the U.S. in terms of acceptance, integration and civil rights for gays and lesbians. Backlashes like the idiotically named “Defense of Marriage Act” and other attempts at oppressive, hateful legislation can make us feel like it’s one step forward and 10 steps back. Seeing an even more repressed, oppressive situation in another country, however, shows me that perhaps we’ve really taken 4 or 5 steps forward, instead of just one. People actually talk about homosexuality in the U.S.; you can be open about your homosexuality in a decent number of communities; and gays and lesbians are a protected class in some states and many workplaces. Yes, there is a backlash, but there can’t be a backlash against something if you haven’t moved forward, right? Moldova, sadly, has not even taken the first step forward. I suspect it will be a long time before there is noticeable change in the culture, but hopefully this is one more area in which PCVs can introduce a different view of life.

Friday, February 10

We went to a concert tonight, what a blast! It was a free concert, sponsored by the Communist Party of Moldova (wonder who’s having an election in the near future?) at the Culture Palace, with a group of famous Moldovan singers. Well, I didn’t know who they were, but the locals sure were impressed and excited. The hall was jam-packed, standing room only, with people of all ages – young and old alike – and everyone seemed to have a great time.

Today was another one of those days when I can really feel that I’m getting adjusted. Next Tuesday is my “3 month anniversary” in Tvarditsa, February 15. Everybody talked so much about the first three months being an adjustment period, getting acclimated, learning the lay of the land and figuring things out. I’m always amused when such predictions come true – they really did know what the heck they were talking about! But let’s back up and I’ll start from the beginning of the week.

It always takes me a day or so to “recover” from a trip to Chisinau, as time there invariably involves a lot of running around, plus the 3 1/2 hour bus ride home in and of itself is draining. I get home late, tired and hungry, and usually spend the next day hanging out around the house. So, Monday was a quiet day, and I spent a lot of time working on the library web site, since I finally decided it was easier to start from scratch than to try to patch up what is there now.

Tuesday, I got up early to get to the library, and the internet, early. I showed the librarians the draft of a new site, and they gave the thumbs up! I’ll upload it next week when I’m in Chisinau and can get a high-speed connection. Phase 2 of the web site will be to get a local kid to translate and type it into Russian so we can have both an English and a Russian version.

In my email, I had a letter from our program manager, Silvia, about next week’s Project Design & Management (PDM) conference for PCVs and their partners. I printed off the letter of invitation, and carried it around all day trying to think of who to ask to go with me. You may recall that I was assigned to Tvarditsa to work with Donna Bobicova, who is supposed to be working with several NGO’s in the village. You may also recall that Donna was “temporarily” filling in for the secretary in the Primaria. Well, she’s still doing that, and hasn’t had any time to work with me. Furthermore, on the few occasions when we have talked, she didn’t make the best impression with me. Our work styles are totally different, and she has a rather condescending way of talking to me. At first I thought it was maybe because my Russian doesn’t sound make me sound like the most intelligent, professional or mature person, but after observing her interactions with other people, I’ve concluded that that is just her style – she’s bossy and condescending to just about everybody. Not the best way to make friends and win people over, I’d say. I could also tell, from the couple times I’ve seen her interact with the youth group, that she and I have totally different approaches to advising and mentoring young people. She takes charge, tells them what to do and how, and if she does bother to ask for their input, she always counters it with her own “better” idea. I, on the other hand, prefer to let the kids drive their own organization; I want to hear their ideas and I will help them do what they want to do, providing guidance, feedback and advice as needed.

Anyway, I really didn’t want to go to PDM with Donna, and I was wracking my brain to think who could go with me for 3 weekdays to Chisinau. I asked my host mom, Anna, but she can’t leave work right now. I realized I was going to have to take the mature, professional route, and talk to Donna about it, since she is my partner and all. Turns out she can’t go anyway as the Village Council meets on Friday, Feb. 18, and she’ll be swamped until them preparing for the session, and her presence is required at all Council meetings. She gave me a bit of a lecture, just to make me feel even more sweet about her, and I walked out irritated and frustrated. I talked it over a long time with Anna Tuesday night, and she really encouraged me to move on, stop spending my energy being upset by Donna. She’s right, of course, and I just have to remind myself (and Donna) that I am a Volunteer for the entire community, not for just one person. I’ve told Anna before, if I can just get pointed in the right direction, I can take off by myself, and she’s really taken it on herself to get me introduced to people, help me meet different communities leaders, etc. I decided to ask Natasha, the vice president of the school parent’s association, to attend the conference with me. We met on Friday, and it turns out she also cannot go next week as her husband leaves on Feb. 18 for work abroad, and won’t be back until at least August. I suggested Paulina, the president of the parent’s association. Since I’ve only met Paulina once, and even then it was in passing, Natasha said she would call and talk to her first.

At this point, Donna walked in and said she wanted to talk to the two of us. As I suspected, she wanted to talk to Natasha about the very thing she and I had just discussed and settled, but she was determined to repeat the entire conversation, regardless of me saying that we’d already talked about it all. She has a real knack for making me feel like she thinks I can’t handle a single thing. Anyway, I had promised myself I was going to be more firm with her, not let her steamroll me. To her credit, though, she really did explain well to Natasha what an important opportunity this conference is for her organization, how PC is basically giving them a free conference on how to write a grant, and really pushed her to find someone to attend with me. The conversation expanded into what is my role here in the community, what can I do with the kids or the parent’s association. Donna, as usual, started to speak for me, but I cut her off and said I could talk for myself, thank you for very much. It was a small victory, and she still had to supplement what I said, but I felt a little better. I told Natasha, “It’s not about what I want to do, or what I think you should do; I am here to help with your ideas.” Natasha just wasn’t getting it, though, and, again, to Donna’s credit, she interjected and explained it in a way that Natasha could understand, saying that it is the American style to ask what everybody wants, and not to tell them what they need to do. She actually kind of surprised me with such a level of insight and understanding of our cultural differences! Later, retelling the conversation to Anna, I realized how I need to explain my presence here by saying that I can’t tell them WHAT they need or want, but I can help them with HOW to do it. It takes me back to the conversation Anna and I had about the sidewalks, though. These are people who pretty much always had someone else take care of things, and many literally don’t know how to start in even identifying their needs. The sidewalks are crumbled, but it doesn’t occur to them that this could be a project they could take on themselves to fix. Perhaps I do need to take a more active role in helping them to identify their needs, despite my American culture kicking and screaming against doing that. I’ll have to think about that some more.

Anyway, we left the conversation on Friday afternoon that Natasha would call Paulina, and if she couldn’t go with me to PDM, then Natasha would talk to the school director about sending a teacher with me. I also asked if the parent’s association ever meets, and Natasha said yes, sure. So please invite me! I practically shouted. Tell me when you are meeting and I will come to talk to the parents. I got the usual “OK, sure,” with no definitive information. By Friday night, when I called Natasha, she hadn’t followed up with Paulina, and said she’d work on it on Saturday. Now, I’ve got until Monday to let PC know who is coming with me to this thing! Fortunately, I’ve got another plan.

Another person called the house Friday afternoon and said he wanted to meet me. He works at the local Cooperative, aka Agribusiness, and Anna said he also has some kind of Community Organization, but she wasn’t real clear on what it is or what they do. She’d seem him earlier in the week, and since she’s always looking out for me and trying to get me hooked up with more people, she encouraged him to meet with me to talk about how I might be able to help them. Well, he called Friday afternoon and invited us to stop by his office before the concert, as it was on the way. Anna showed me the way, and when we walked in and say his 15-year old daughter sitting with him, we both knew what the meeting was about: teaching his daughter English. He put on a nice performance for a little while about his organization, and then introduced his daughter, Natasha, with the spiel I can recite myself by now: she’s learning grammar in school, but she needs practical experience, they don’t teach what the kids are interested in, blah blah blah. I had the requisite 5 minute conversation in English with her, and like all kids she seemed nice enough. It was a relief, though, to be able to say the English Club has started and she can come on Sunday to our next meeting. Like most parents, I think he would have preferred that I offered to be her private tutor, but that’s just not going to happen. And like most parents, he insisted that I speak to her in English only. My usual response is “We’ll speak in English sometimes, and in Russian sometimes, since I live here in Tvarditsa and I really need to learn Russian!” (More on the English Club later.)

From there, Natasha and I walked to the concert hall. A man stopped me in the hallway, introduced himself so fast I couldn’t catch a thing, and asked if I had a few minutes to talk with him right now. What the heck, why not? We went to his office, and I was able to clarify that he is Georghi Dimov, Artistic Director for the Culture Palace. A quick aside about the Culture Houses: during Soviet times, a Culture House was erected in just about every village and city, as the town meeting hall, event center, library, movie theatre; you name it, it probably happened at the Culture House. 20 years ago or so, Tvarditsa built a large and beautiful new Culture Palace, significantly bigger than your average Culture House. Anyway, Georghi struck me right away as an energetic man, and he dove right into the purpose of our meeting: he wants to host an international music & cultural festival in Tvarditsa. He told me about some other festivals he’s attended throughout Europe; talked about the importance of preserving their Bulgarian traditions here in Tvarditsa; how kids need to see, particularly in these hard times, what is so special about their heritage. He’s got some great ideas, has contacts in other Eastern European countries, and has a more or less realistic sense that such an event will take quite a long time and a lot of money to plan. While I myself have absolutely no artistic talent whatsoever, I do love the arts, and especially have a great appreciation for folk arts, the kinds of traditional cultural signing and dancing he was talking about. I told him I would LOVE to help with it, and that I’m going next week in fact to a seminar to learn how to design projects and write grants. He wanted to know when we could meet, and when I said “Maybe week after next, when I’m back from Chisinau,” he shocked the heck out of me by wanting to nail down a date and time. I nearly started to cry, it was just so exciting. He is not the first person here to search me out, but he is the first person to (a) have a concrete idea and some thoughts on how to go about it, (b) have a clear idea of why and how he wants me to help, (c) set an actual meeting date and time instead of just passively saying “OK, well, call me sometime and we’ll see” (I’ve started giving my phone number to just about anyone and not a one has called to follow up). He really won my heart, though, by not mentioning teaching English even one time.

I think people who join Peace Corps tend to be optimists, people who think they can and will make a difference. A real challenge for many PCVs is maintaining your optimism in a place and time where every idea gets beaten down, where you might not see any tangible results in your 2 years. I think I’m a cautious optimist, and I try not to let myself get to worked up over new possibilities, but boy, it’s hard to not get too excited when you finally meet someone who seems different from the rest, who seems ready for you and what you can offer. So, my new plan for PDM is to call Georghi Dimov today and ask him to attend the conference with me. He might not be able to, but it’s worth asking. I know something will work out, someone will go with me, and it will be a worthwhile event.

As for English Club, we had our first meeting on Tuesday. 20 kids showed up! I hardly knew what to do with them, especially since they ranged in age from 8 to 18. I gave them some snacks to start with, told them about Ohio, showed them postcards and other little do-dads I have. When I got tired of doing all the talking, I started giving out American flag pencils to anyone who asked me a question. That got some of the older ones talking, and we had a nice time. The next day, one of the post office ladies told me her little granddaughter had been there and she went on and on about how I gave them cookies and apples. Note to self: bring a snack to every meeting. I’ll give out some Ohio State pencils next time! It was pretty clear that I’ll have to split them into 2 groups, older and younger. The little kids don’t really know enough English to participate in a Conversation Club, and the older kids don’t want to hang out with little kids. Many of the older kids have decent English already, and it’s an age group I’m more accustomed to working with, so I’m not too worried about finding activities for them. The little kids, though, are perplexing to me. Love ‘em, but had no idea what to do with them!

I got a Valentine’s Day package on Thursday from Mom & Dad (Thank you!), which gave me some ideas of what to do with the English Club kids on Sunday, even the little ones. Our snack will be the Valentine heart candies, which will provide some fun English practice too. Mom sent a card game called “Heart to Heart,” which, after editing out a few of the more risqué or culturally-specific cards (ie, “Are you a Brady Bunch or Partridge Family person?”), will be fun to play. I bought some red and pink construction paper, and decided we’ll make Valentine’s cards. My “teaser” for the meeting this week is that they should bring scissors, but that’s all I’m saying! Hopefully, this will intrigue most of the kids who didn’t understand a thing on Tuesday and/or who were scared senseless.

Jenny sent me a bunch of Highlight children’s magazines (Thank You Jenny!), and I scoured them all for activities suitable for different language levels, and made some of copies. I have no idea how many kids to expect, but I hope to be prepared with enough material and enough variety to keep them busy. I asked my “partner”, 16-year old Petya, to look through my book “Heroes of Ohio” and let me know which person he thinks we should read about first with the older kids. I’ll make copies of the 2-3 page biography and send it home with the older kids to read for our next meeting. By the way, did you know Johnny Appleseed, Harriet Beecher Stowe, Jesse Owens, Orville and Wilbur Wright, Techumseh, Henry Heimlich (as in Heimlich maneuver), and Neil Armstrong are all from Ohio? I’ll be curious who Petya picks to read about, and who the kids here may have heard of.

Tonight will be another fun night in the village, as it’s the annual High School Reunion. The school has been preparing for weeks, hunting down graduates from 10, 20, 30, 40, and even 50 years ago. The 12th graders have been working hard on a special program, and we’ll be back at the Culture Palace tonight as they show off their singing and dancing talents. I caught a bit of a rehearsal earlier in the week, and I think it will be an impressive program!

I mentioned at the start of this entry that today was one of those days when I can really see and feel that I am getting adjusted. I went to Ceadr-Lunga this morning with the mission of finding some construction paper for the English Club, plus a couple other things I need. Anna asked me to buy a few things for home, too. My friend Nadia had invited me to go along with her and a couple other folks by car, instead of bus. I’ve done this before, and it has its pros and cons. A car, of course, is warmer, more comfortable, and faster than taking the bus. But you’re still stuck to somebody else’s schedule, and what’s usually more frustrating for me is that they seem to have a hard time making and/or communicating their schedule. While the bus doesn’t exactly go and come back at convenient times, at least I know exactly when it’s going and coming! I showed up at 8:30, as requested, to meet everybody. We waited, and waited, and waited. By 10 I was about ready to call it quits and go home. I know I’m an American at moments like that – I sit there fuming about what a waste of time this is, how inconsiderate, I could be doing …? What? I really don’t have anything else I to do right now, so what the heck am I upset about? OK, go with the flow. A huge plus of the car ride was that we could stop and take some photos on the way. It was a cold frosty morning, and the trees lining the road looked like they were from a postcard, beautifully dusted in crisp white snow. The last time I went to C-L with Nadia and Co., they wouldn’t let me out of their site, taking to the extreme their “assignment” to help me and watch out for me. There was a lot more I had hoped to do on that trip, but since we had to travel by pack and do everyone’s shopping together, I managed to only do a couple things. This time, though, I beat them to the punch. When the car stopped, I hopped out and said “where and when are we meeting?” and was dashing off practically before I heard the answer, and well before they entirely understood what was happening. I was determined to manage it all on my own, and was pleasantly surprised a couple hours later to realize that I had!

As I waited at the appointed meeting place, at the appointed time, standing their alone in the cold winter air, waiting another 45 minutes for everyone else to show up, I thought back to my previous visits to C-L, and gave myself a pat on the back. I made my way around today quite well: I remembered where a school supply store was located that I’d heard about and I bought construction paper there; I went to a hardware store, where I was the only female (and of course the only foreigner) in there, and bought a good power strip/extension cord plus a couple adapters; found a place to make some photo copies; mailed a letter home; went to the market to buy milk, had a moment of panic when I found out you had to go to a store to buy milk, but managed to find it and bought everything on the list Anna had given me. I even had time to buy a couple kilos of apples for the English Club on Sunday. Doesn’t sound like much to be excited or proud of, I suppose, but I was and am. As I said, it was one of those moments when I could really see and feel how I have started to get the hang of things.

Alyona got married!

Yes, Alyona got married on Friday! And I was Maid of Honor! It was beautiful, they are so happy, they are a great couple.

The background: Alyona worked in London last year for about 5 months. She met there Vladimir (aka Volodya or Vova), a Lithuanian citizen who’s been living and working in London for about 5 years now. They fell in love, and he wanted her to stay in London with him. She decided, however, to return to Moldova when her visa expired (instead of staying illegally like so many people do), and thus returned in the fall to Moldova. He came to visit her at the holidays, and at that time they decided to “take the plunge.” They started the process at the end of December (you wouldn’t believe how ridiculously difficult it is for a foreigner to marry a Moldovan in Moldova!). Volodya flew in to Chisinau on Sunday, January 30, they ran around for 2 days taking care of all the beaucracy, and called me Tuesday night to say it had all worked out, they were getting married Friday, February 4 at 9:00 am! Much to my surprise and delight, Alyona asked me to be Maid of Honor.

I came back to Chisinau Thursday night. Friday morning, we all got up early to get ready for the Big Day. They’d rented a car and driver to take us to the Marriage Registration place (it’s a special government office for the civil marriage). In Ialoveni, it’s a cute little room, with a table nicely arranged with the marriage certificate and rings. A tape of wedding music played as they entered the hall, where Alyona’s daughter Anya, her brother Oleg, his daughter Ksenia and I were waiting. The Officiant (would be a judge in the U.S., but here is a civil servant who officiates at the civil wedding) said some lovely words about marriage, families, etc. Alyona and Volodya signed the certificate, and Oleg and I signed as witnesses. It was all over in about 5 minutes, and they were officially married!

We drove home for a few minutes, and then another car picked us up, with the addition of Alyona’s parents Tamara Ivanova and Feodor Ivanovich, to go the Russian Orthodox church in Chisinau. There is an Orthodox church in Ialoveni, but it is Romanian, with services in Romanian and the traditions and practices a little bit different from the Russian Orthodox church.

At the church, as in all Orthodox churches, women are required to cover their heads and men are forbidden to cover their heads (except the priest). The service took about an hour. As you can see in the photos, there is a part of the ceremony when the couple wears crowns on their heads, which are decorated with small icons. Usually, the Best Man and Maid of Honor actually hold these crowns slightly above the bride and groom’s heads. I was relieved that the priest decided to do it a bit differently, as holding that thing up like that for even a few minutes is darn hard!

During most of the ceremony, as with most of an Orthodox church service, the priest stood with his back to us, facing the altar instead. At one point, he turned to Volodya and Alyona, asked them to put their right hands together, and started to wrap a linen towel around their hands. He suddenly and unexpectedly asked Volodya what he was doing, and clearly Volodya was startled by the question. He had the right answer though! He said “You are binding us together.” “For how long?” asked the priest. “For all of our lives.” “Right!” smiled the priest.

A nice tradition in the Orthodox church is that the married couple walks in a small circle three times, following the priest. Three times, obviously, symbolizes the Holy Trinity, and the walk is so that the new couple’s first steps together are in the House of God.

From the church, we went back to Alyona’s apartment and started preparing a big celebratory meal – of course! We cooked and cooked and cooked, and finally sat down to a beautiful table about 2 pm. It was just the family and me at that meal, but later in the evening they did it all over again, and a bunch of friends came for dinner.

As I wasn’t really sure what my role was supposed to be as Maid of Honor in a non-traditional Moldovan/Russian wedding (and a second marriage for both of them), I decided to add a bit of American tradition to the mix. I told them about the American tradition that a bride must have “Something old, something new, something borrowed and something blue.” Alyona borrowed a scarf from a friend to wear in church, and I gave her a new blue handkerchief to put in her pocket. I also gave her a silver brooch that I’d brought with me, one I’ve had for several years, to count as her “something old.” I also introduced our tradition at the wedding reception of clinking our glasses as a call to the newlyweds that they should kiss each other. Here the tradition is that the guests yell out in unison “Gorko, gorko!”, which means “It’s bitter, it’s bitter!” and the couple has to kiss to make it sweet. Aaawwww. I have to agree, their tradition is better.

So, you are probably wondering what is next for this international couple? As Lithuania is now part of the European Union, Volodya travels and works throughout the EU without the need of a visa. He is able to bring his non-EU citizen wife (and child/ren under 18) to live with him. They will now start this visa process for Alyona, and it’s possible she’ll be moving to London in a month or two. Anya will finish high school in the spring, and she plans to join them in the summer.

I am so happy for them, so thrilled that Alyona found love again, and with such a kind, tender and caring man. I’m thrilled that she and Anya will have the opportunity for a better life in London, where Anya especially will have a real chance for success and prosperity.

Their departure creates a bit of a personal dilemma for me. I am here in Moldova to help the country recover from the collapse of the Soviet Union and develop again into a place where people want to be, where work and life opportunities abound. Critical to this development, and to the future of Moldova itself, are the bright young minds and energetic youth. On the meta level, I am, in a way, trying to convince people to stay here, to make a difference here, to change Moldova for the better. On a personal level, I know Alyona and Anya will never be able to succeed here because it is nearly impossible for anyone to succeed here, and it will probably be another generation or two before opportunity exists for the majority of Moldovans. As a Peace Corps Volunteer, I am disappointed to see more smart young people leave, frustrated to know that their emigration will only make the road longer and harder for the future of Moldova. As a Friend, I want them to thrive and succeed, I want them to have a happier and easier life than they can have here in Moldova.

I am truly blessed to have met Alyona. She gave me love and friendship and comfort in a strange and disconcerting time and place in my life. I wish for her, Anya and Volodya all the happiness, joy and comfort that they so very much deserve, that all humans deserve.

February 1, 2005

Hard to believe it’s February already! It’s the usual “time flies” syndrome, but also I’ve had so little reason to think of time by the calendar, it hasn’t really mattered what the date is for the last few months. As we approach the end of our first 3 months at site, and will soon be allowed to travel as needed for work or vacation, my calendar is becoming a daily tool again. I’m getting busy, feeling a little stressed and overwhelmed about the fact that I’ve got meetings this month in Chisinau, starting some activities here in Tvarditsa, and thinking about traveling to visit other PCVs at their sites or even traveling to another country for vacation. I don’t feel like I need a vacation at all, in fact it’s the opposite, I need some structure and some work. I’m having a hard time sorting out the many possibilities, the unstructured time and the “looseness” of my time and activities. I’ve got a lot of ideas, but am having trouble getting myself started. It’s true that I’ve become more passive here, needing and wanting others to help me get started. There comes a point, though, when I realize it’s on me now, gotta get myself up and out and do something. There are a few burners in the fire, a few programs that should be coming to fruition soon, and I hope the energy created from one thing fuels the next, and so on.

I spent this last weekend in Chisinau for a Language In-Service Training (IST), which meant 10+ hours of Russian instruction over Saturday and Sunday. It was exhausting, but good. Of course, in addition to the work to be done at an IST, there’s an awful lot of socializing that needs to get done! It was the first time our group had been together, all of us, since Thanksgiving. Not enough time to catch up with everyone, but it was nice to chat with as many as I could.

Peace Corps Nepal closed down in the fall due to the civil unrest there, and four PCVs relocated to Moldova in October to continue their service here. They finished up an extremely intensive language program in December and hit their sites right after Christmas. They are all teachers (3 TEFL and 1 Health, I think) so they started at their schools in the second half of the academic year. They attended the language IST, also, and it was nice to get to know them a little bit better. As an aside, it’s very sad that PC had to close in Nepal; Volunteers have been serving there since PC was founded, over 40 years. Listening to the Nepal Volunteers (heretofore known as Moldova 15) talk about their experiences there, their communities and the lifestyles, gave me a whole new perspective. One guy lived 3 days by donkey from the nearest hub site! Internet? Hah!

As for me and my blog, I’ve been having a hard time writing. Partially from being busy and/or tired, and partially from finding it increasingly difficult to describe life here, to explain what I’m doing and why. It sounds counter-intuitive, I know, to say that the longer I am here, the less able I am to tell you about it. However, it feels like every story requires more and more background information, a longer explanation, or I simply don’t know how to put things into a coherent essay. I’m going to keep trying, though, I promise! I’ve been working for weeks on an essay about economics here, namely the average Moldovan’s lack of understanding of capitalism. One of these days I’ll get the thing finished.

So, as I start to wane in my ability to accomplish PC’s goal of educating Americans about people of other countries, it’s appropriate that I start to make some progress on the our first goal, namely, helping the people of Moldova. Specifically, three activities are in the works.

We are organizing a seminar on human trafficking with the international organization La Strada. They released a film last year called “Lilia 4-Ever” which was shown for free in movie theatres all over Moldova, a fictional but unfortunately all-to-real story of a young girl in the former Soviet Union, desperate and alone, who falls for a typical story and finds herself a sex slave in Western Europe. Human trafficking is a huge problem throughout the former Soviet Union, and La Strada is the premiere organization working like crazy to educate girls and women about the dangers of vague offers of work abroad. Later this month, La Strada volunteers will come to Tvarditsa, show the film, and then lead small group discussions. We hope to have three discussion groups, two for high schoolers and one for parents and other interested adults. I think it will be very interesting. If you have the chance to see the film, I highly recommend it. Terribly sad, but important. It was shown in theatres for free last year in Chisinau when it was first released.

My second project is an English Club. I am adamant that I don’t want to be an English teacher here, and have been stubborn with folks that they must speak Russian to me as I really want to master this stinking language. But, I’ve also come to realize that if I don’t start an English Club, every parent in Tvarditsa is going to ask me individually to teach their kid English. There’s great interest in learning English, and not just textbook English. Parents know that their kids will have better and more opportunities in the future if they have a good command of English. So, I’m starting my English Club on Tuesday. I’ve made friends with a 16-year old boy named Petya, and asked him to be my “partner” for the club. He’s energetic, already speaks excellent English, and it will be fun to work on a project together. We’ll see who shows up on Tuesday, what they want to do, and we’ll go from there. I can see the group evolving into more than just an English Conversational group, but that’s already thinking ahead…

The third project I’m working on is Model UN. Five years ago, a PCV brought Model UN to Moldova, and participation has been growing every year since. I’m excited that we’ll have a team from Tvarditsa, and we found out this weekend that we were assigned Canada for the competition. Our team of 3 high schoolers must research Canadian history, culture, political system, economic system, international priorities, customs and traditions, social structure and society values, state and government leadership, national priorities of government and people, foreign policy, and geographical situation. They must prepare a visual aid and make a presentation at the Model UN conference. Team members are also assigned to sit on UN sub-committees, such as Security Council, Environment, Terrorism, Nuclear Proliferation, HIV/AIDS and Drug Trafficking, representing their team’s country on the sub-committee. It’s my first time involved with Model UN, too, so I’m looking forward to the coaches’ meeting in a couple weeks to learn more about how we do this!

We could use your help in making Model UN a great experience for Moldovan youth this year. Many of you have written that you want to send me something, a package with stuff I might be missing or need here. I truly appreciate the offers, and although it’s fun to get mail, please, could you instead make a donation to our Model UN Conference via the Peace Corps web site? We need at least $50 for every team, to fund travel, housing and accommodations for the 90 teenagers participating in 30 teams this year. The Partnership Grant can be found on the Peace Corps website (http://www.peacecorps.gov) by clicking on “Donate Now” and then on “Eastern Europe and Central Asia.” Scroll down to the Moldovan grants, where you’ll find Model UN Conference. The Partnership Grant program is an important way for PCVs to generate funds for projects, and it’s a great way for you to contribute not only to my PC experience, but to that of all the PCVs in Moldova and around the world. I suspect that I’ll be seeking your help with other projects over the next two years!