I remember a presentation during our pre-service training (PST) last fall by the Peace Corps/Moldova Country Director. It was one of our first sessions and he was welcoming us, saying how excited he and all the staff were to see us at last, after so many months of anticipation and preparation.
And then he said something I’ve thought about periodically ever since. Having been a Peace Corps Volunteer himself in the 90’s, he knew what a difficult decision it had been for all of us to leave our families, friends, jobs, and all that was familiar to join Peace Corps. But for some of us, he knew that the even tougher decision was yet to come, and that would be if we wanted or needed to leave Peace Corps early.
Every Peace Corps group has had people leave before finishing the 2-year commitment. Sometimes it’s health related, like the woman who fell and broke her hip and had to return to the U.S. for surgery and a long recovery. Sometimes it’s love, like the guy who realized after a couple months that his girlfriend back home really was “the one” and he couldn’t live without her, so he went home to propose. Sometimes it’s not by choice, like when PC/Nepal closed last year due to the civil war, and some PCVs chose to continue their service in other countries, but others did not want to “start over again” and chose instead to go back to the U.S. Sometimes Volunteers break the rules and are sent home by Peace Corps. And sometimes it just turns out to not have been what someone expected or wanted or needed right now, and he or she is just really unhappy. Whatever the situation, as the Country Director said at our training last fall, deciding to leave Peace Corps early is a difficult decision that can be wrought with guilt, anxiety, and even embarrassment about what you will tell friends and family about why you didn’t finish.
This week, my dear friend Emily decided to leave. I won’t tell her story here; it’s her’s to tell if, when and how she wants to tell it. We’ve all thought about leaving at one time or another over the last year, and Emily and I have certainly talked about it with each other on numerous occasions. I wasn’t surprised that she’d finally decided to leave, and I’ve tried to be as supportive of her as possible in making the right decision for herself. Selfishly, I want her to be here with me until the end, but as her friend, I want what is best for her, and I want her to be happy.
There’s often a special bond that develops between Volunteers who were in the same PST group, having suffered and survived the arduous training period together. Emily and I would have become friends even if we had not been in the same training group together in Ialoveni, but spending 6-8 hours together every day for 2 ½ months accelerated the process dramatically, creating a closeness and understanding between us that I don’t think would have developed otherwise. We talked to each other nearly every day during those first difficult months at site, commiserating and supporting each other in our frustrations and cultural adjustments. Even after we finally started to feel settled in, we still talked every couple of days, whether or not anything had happened, just to check in with each other. We visited each other’s sites, and I know the people and places she deals with every day, and she knows who I talk to, where I go, and what I do every day.
On Tuesday we learned that Matt has also decided to leave, the other “Russian” in our group. Although his relationship with Emily and me was not as close, as I said, there is something special about your PST group. We suddenly found ourselves together for the last time Tuesday afternoon, just the three of us, like it was every day during those months in Ialoveni. We shared a cab out to the bus station, and stood awkwardly outside it for a few minutes. We all hugged, and then Matt walked to the street to catch a marshuka to Ialoveni to visit his PST host family one last time; Emily and I went inside to buy our bus tickets back to our sites. Matt flew out Thursday morning, Emily will leave on Tuesday.
I wish them both the best of luck in this next phase of their lives. Readjusting to life in the U.S. can be as challenging as adjusting to life in Moldova. I respect both Emily and Matt tremendously for making the right decisions for themselves at this point in time. To me, they are as much a part of Moldova as any Moldovan. They are as much a part of my life here as my host family, Tvarditsa, the Moldovan holidays, gardens, house wine, the Primaria, the kids, the bus rides – they have helped shape and define my Peace Corps experience.
Emily, I love you! Have a mocha frappuccino for me when you get home. I’ll see you when I get there, girl. If you bring the kholodets, I’ll bring the salo! 🙂
Anka in Kyiv 